What Did You Say?

Tonight the debates will be on and for as long as this newly registered Texas Democrat can stand the bullshit, I will watch. They aren't really debates. Not like the ones that I used to engage in against such lauded institutions as Canton Hoover High School while on the debate team at Wooster High. We used to debate about the death penalty, nuclear proliferation and other dated issues. Oops! Those issues aren't so dated, are they? Anyway, there are rules. Senator Kerry and President W will already know the questions that they will be asked and as such, have already rehearsed their answers, over and over again. Anyone who hasn't been living with their head in the sand over the last two weeks already knows what will be said. It'll almost be like the church services I attended as a child. There was no need to attend services, I could recite them word for word at home and I told my ma this, but she dragged my ass along anyway. And I say over the last two weeks because this is the time period over which Senator Kerry has finally come up with something concrete. Was it a lack of funds, or just a strategical move on the part of his campaign? Surf the net, there's insta-pundit-bloggin' fools aplenty who'll tell you why.

It all boils down to the way the debators present themselves. Their mannerisms and paracommunication skills and who has the best soundbites.

I've heard that the focus will be to court the female vote. Maybe they'll show us their dicks, although I'd say we've seen more than enough of W's and I dare say, it's quite small.

Tune in tomorrow for a thorough analysis of the results of the debate. I heard that it'll all be decided in the first thirty minutes. Shit, gotta go and get me waders out...

The Old Oak Tree #2

I've seen quite a few yellow ribbons on cars lately. One can purchase three different types of ribbons; one is black for someone who lost a family member in the War on Terror, one is red, white and blue and states "Freedom Isn't Free" and the other is of course the most numerous, yellow. It says, quite naturally, "Support Our Troops". The funny thing about the yellow ribbon (the red, white and blue one doesn't even deserve mention, since it is entire and utter bullshit) is that it is loaded with symbolism and meaning and deserving of some scrutiny. When you are saying "Support Our Troops" what you are really saying is "I Support W, I Support The War In Iraq, I Don't Give A Fuck About The Troops, I Don't Mind Being Lied To and I Am A Foolish And Sheeplike Person". The yellow ribbon also infers that if you do not support the war in Iraq, or do not have any of the above beliefs, then you do not support the troops and should therefore keep all criticism to yourself because we are at WAR right now and questioning Dick and W is unpatriotic.

I may strike up a conversation with one of these Tony Orlando and Dawn listening motherfuckers one of these days, but I am vastly out-numbered right now and would like to at least observe the election results.

OMIGOD!

I have relocated to the great State of Texas and am residing, not in the overcrowded yuppie wasteland that Austin has become, but Big D!!!, another overcrowded city certainly containing yuppies. However, "Big D" is not a destination for computer geeks and cooler-than-thou hipsters like the Texas state capitol, but from what I've learned so far during my very short time here, transplanted Oklahomans. Why? I do not know.

It took me all of three hours to find my new local watering hole, The Cock and Bull. I have named it the Cock and Block, however, and I think that's a funnier name. The neighborhood is deathly quiet at night, besides the crickets, and I seem to have found myself in the type of area I grew up in in Ohio. There are lots of trees, big yards and the street is not constantly lined with cars. There are no unsupervised Puerto Rican kids running around all night calling each other motherfuckers and bitches and there are no cars honking the shit out of their horns at all hours. But there is also no liquor store or grocery within easy walking distance and the nearest bar, the aforementioned Cock and Block, would be a punishing stumble home at night. There is an enormous lake a few blocks away and the cycling here is huge. Every street has blue signs labeling various bike routes and the lake has a nine mile path around it. And there are hills! I left my bike in Chi-town and as soon as my 401K comes, I will be purchasing another one.

I have been fortunate to retain employment at my previous job as a private contractor. I now have an office and a fax machine right here at home. I can go outside whenever I want and talk to the retired military guy who lives next door. He and I have come to an agreement politically and he is quite fun to debate with. But the people are so friendly. I still haven't figured out what all of this "can I help you" and "good morning" and "welcome to the area" and cashiers at the stores being friendly and helpful means, but I will find out. Which brings me to the upcoming election. The congressional districts were re-drawn here, by the fucking Republicans of course, so in my particular district, there are two incumbents running against one another. Very interesting. I have so far researched the Democrat, Mark Frost, and he seems pretty good. He faces a tough contest, though. That reminds me, I must get registered. I face an uphill battle because your humble narrator now lives in a state that is redder than a dog's dick! And I don't even have to mention who comes from, at least in his own mind, Texas.

I met some people last night who are very cool. The one guy has already hooked me up for a discount on my impending bike purchase. He has one mountain bike and one road bike, both of which looked to be worth a few grand each. I'm finding that the whole Texas stereotype is probably more apt for the redneck towns. And there are many! On the drive here I actually saw a kid in a jacked-up pickup truck, boot cut wranglers, cowboy boots and cowboy shirt with a huge belt buckle. He looked like he just finished wrasslin' steer for three days. It was at that point that I realized, I was now in a foreign land.

I'll have plenty of time to update billyblogbob now that Webcens is no longer logging my every keystroke. I gotta check the other fellers' blogs now and more often as well.