Pitchfork

I was just inspired by my good ol' buddy over at www.dannydoom.com to send this here e-mail to the staff at Pitchfork www.pitchforkmedia.com today.

Haven't checked out the site in quite some time, but I must say, you guys really fucked it up. I liken it to when Spin was a cool mag, way back when, and then they went and got all hi-glossed and corporate. Also, knock off the frivolous bullshit at the beginning of every review and get down to business. No one cares that the writer supposedly listened to the Pixies when he/she was four years old and was therefore cooler than everyone else. No what I'm sayin'?

Perhaps the staff here at Billy Blog Bob will alert me to a response from these wankers sometime soon and I will gladly publish it. It's not like other e-mails sent to such luminaries as Michael Powell. We may just hear from those indie rock nerds...

Get Out the Vote!

Let's see. Pretend for a sec, just a sec, that it's 11/1/04. Your local voting commission, or whatever it may be called, informs you that you will not know where your polling place is until it's time to vote. What! You say. Sheeeeit! That's not democracy.
Whoa, Nellie, hold your horses, it gets better. Not only will you be unaware of where to vote, now here's the kicker, you won't even know for whom to vote!!!! Uh, isn't it a voter's responsibility to research the candidates and determine whether or not said candidate will most closely resemble one's own political views? (I know, I know, that's clearly not what goes on in America as the presidential election clearly showed, but I'm speaking in hypotheticals here) Wouldn't you wanna know if the guy you're voting for supports honor killings or turning on the electricity, getting some potable water for your children and mabybe getting you a job with a living wage, or more than likely, is a puppet of the occupying forces? I sure would. So that's democracy? Huh.
Thanks, W. Now I know.

Why Does There Have to Be a Title!!??

Kinda depressing and dreary day. Rain, rain go away...

SUVs on train tracks, dead guys breathing in the morgue, what else... I dunno, sheeit.

I received some good movers from Netflix. For all of you loyal readers out there who have not yet signed up for the Netflix, do it now. www.netflix.com. It's a great service! Yes, Blockbuster also has such a service, if you like your movers censored and you wanna support a whacked-out right-wingin' corporation, that's on you. Of course, who's to know what we are supportin' when we Americans go out and buy, buy, buy and buy some more! I was surprised to find that Starbucks, a corp. that I really don't like, is a blue corporation and is therefore, supportable. www.buyblue.com. Although, McCoffee still gives me a bad feelin' and all of the stooooopid yuppies who spend $150 bucks there a month are not to be associated with.
Eh, whatever. What can you do? We do not live in a democracy afterall, we live in a corporate capitalist society.

I'm Fucking Fat!

After being dismissed,

A New York court revived part of a class-action lawsuit blaming fast-food chain McDonald’s for making people fat, reinstating claims relating to deceptive advertising.

Uh, okay:

The suit by four teenage girls from the Bronx was filed in 2002, claiming the food chain deceived customers about its products and failed to display nutritional information prominently enough.

And McDonald's response:

"Common sense tells you this particular case makes no sense”, adding the ruling “simply delays the inevitable conclusion that this case is without merit”.

Gotta go with Mickey D's on this one. I guess these girls ate at the joint 3-5 times a week. Okay, if you're eating at McDonald's that much, and you don't know that you are eating shit, I believe that McDonald's would be wholly within it's bounds to file a frivolous suit of it's own. They should sue these girls for stupidity, lack of common sense, possessing the attitude that everything is someone else's fault and for having money-grubbing, worthless parents. If you truly wanna punish McDonald's, stop eating their shitburgers, get off your ass and learn to make a living for yourself!!!
Damn you is dumb!

Rice Approved!

It's official. Today the Senate Foreign Relations Committee approved the nomination of Jerry Rice to be secretary of state. Mr. Rice will be the first black NFL football player to hold this most esteemed and beloved-by-the-world position. When notified of the news at his San Francisco home, Mr. Rice had this to say, "Sheeeit!, I'm just as qualified as anyone to be the secretary of state! That last fool we had was a frikkin' eunuch who didn't do shit but lay down, roll over and get stuck in the ass!!! I'm the best wide receiver the NFL has ever seen. I know a thing or two about Weapons of Mass Destruction. Me and Joe, back in the eighties, now that was a fuckin' WMD, know what I'm sayin'? Course, then there was Steve Young and me, a combo of the most lethal of yellow cake that never existed!!!" When Mr. Rice was reminded that he would need to learn how to lie his ass off, give up any and all interest in sex and beat himself up in the face to more resemble his closest opponent for the job, Condi Rice, Mr. Rice stated "Huh? What? Maybe I'll decline, I just don't know if I could wish to be W's wife, either. Ahhh, fuck it! Get outta my house!"

What!!!???

According to Harper's magazine, a four-legged, anus-less, double-penised baby was born in Nigeria on January 14.
Welcome to the world, buddy!!!

Monday

Hi there loyal readers! Billy Blog Bob is a day late and a dollar short on this one, but is happy to announce that CNN came to its senses and dismissed that bow-tied dickhead, Tucker Carlson. But never fear, the stupidity will continue over at MSNBC where they are looking to place the man/child in a prime-time news (such as it is) program.

"We think Tucker is a great journalist and we're exploring our options for a new 9 p.m. show," said MSNBC's Jeremy Gaines.

Uh, if Tucker Carlson is a journalist, then I'm a carrot. I wonder if Dick & W Inc. will pay the jackass $240,000 to mention it's super-secret (at least to ignorance voters and cable news viewers) program to gather all of the oil in one place before the Chinese become too powerful, have too many cars and have pirated everything ever created.
Sheeit! You wouldn't have to pay Mr. Carlson to do that, he'd do it for free!
And what of Scarborough Country, that idyllic land where the white folks frolic and the blacks remain in their place working in the fields? Isn't that the same time slot? What a dilemma for MSNBC programming execs!

The Elections

We here at Billy Blog Bob are aware of the inconsistencies, the fraud and the general air of bullshit that surrounded this past presidential election. The attitude around the office has been pervaded by a general sense of loss, apathy and resignation, until now. The Ohio situation does pose some interesting questions; how did the presence of voter machines, manufactured by Diebold, a corporation whose head is an avowed Dick & W Inc. supporter, affect the outcome of the election? Was the placement of said machines in precincts heavily populated by minority and working class voters deliberate? Did the long lines and confusion that the machines created distort the outcome of the election? Was this intended by Diebold, the manufacturer of the machines? If one were to put on their waders and sift around through the muck, they most likely would find that the answer to all of the above questions is a resounding yes. One of the staffers brought to the attention of your humble narrator a piece by the most honorable, spitting in the salads of white persons aside, although many white persons deserve to have their salads spit in, Reverand Jesse Jackson. Rev. Jackson stated that one Congressman, Mr. John Conyers, is going to object to the counting of the Ohio electoral vote. Jesse also believes that John Kerry should assert his leadership by standing by the objection and demand a debate in Senate. Jesse, my brother, that ain't a gonna happen! It would be nice and gottdam prudent, however. The staff here find it curious that, considering the upcoming elections in Iraq, should they occur, Dick & W Inc. want to bring democracy to the Middle East but they cannot secure it here in the good ol' U.S. of motherfukkin' A. We need a revolution! Blood should be let! Rev. Jackson thinks that "a constitutional amendment to guarantee the right to vote for all Americans" should be enacted. Uh, no. All Americans, as evidenced by the presidential elections, are not smart enough to vote and therefore, should not be allowed to do so. Billy Blog Bob proposes that an intelligence test be required before every vote to include a current events section, a portion that requires that individuals identify three local beers and a section on the Scopes Monkey Trial. All sections will be weighted evenly. Shit, where are we goin' with this? Hopefully back to the people! That's where, motherfuckers!

Today's Birthdays

I'd like to wish a happy 45th birthday to the creatively, but certainly not financially, bankrupt lead singer of R.E.M., Mr. Michael Stipe.
Hang it up!!
Please!!

Happy New Year

It may be a little late in coming, but we here at Billy Blog Bob would like to wish the vast contingent of loyal 3BOpera readers a Happy New Year!
I had one helluva weekend. Went and did some camping at Possum Kingdom Lake on Fri. night. We were terrified by coyotes and screech owls all night and awed by the kazillions of stars. I must say, I've become quite urbanized over the last few years, must get back to nature this year...
Sat. watched an excellent Rose Bowl game and went out and did a little bar hopping all night. We utilized the fire pit out back, as well. I'm quite proud of the fire pit.
Yesterday, your humble narrator took the strongest hit of X ever seen in these here parts. WHEW! I forgot what that shit was like! I used to be quite the X afficiando at one time, but gradually lost interest in it. That shit is powerful, boy, I mean powerful! It's hard work!
Dick & W Inc. NLC finally upped the American contribution to 350 million for the Tsunami victims. Is this administration finally listening to those it serves? Ah heck! That's just wishful thinking. It's still a fraction of the dollars being wasted in Iraq every day.