Drowning in Black Goo

Unless you live as an ostrich with your friggin' head in the sand, not Albertan or Venezuelan tar sands mind you, there won't be much of that left at some point, you may have noticed that folks are all up in arms about the price of gasoline. Everyone wants to blame Dick & W, Inc. NLC, and while you'd have to be a real idiot to not recognize that they don't really give a fuck, they shoulder very little of the blame here. You wanna know what you should do to find the culprit, take a look in the fuckin' mirror you dipshit! Keep on truckin' little Emma and Madison to their soccer games in your big stupid vehicle. Keep on drivin' one half of a mile to the local grocery when you should really get off of your morbidly obese ass and walk. Americans are lazy and addicted to not only oil, as our retarded frat-boy Prez so famously stated, they are obsessed, and I mean OCD-level obsessed, with their gottdam cars! Walk! Take the CTA! Ride a bicycle!
Change your ways. That's all your humble narrator has got to say at this point.
Oh, and please pass that last can of Genesee Cream Ale Light. Thanks.