Breakfast Munchies

I noticed over at some other sites maintained by a coupla folks I know, namely Utch and Doom, that they have been doing a lotta cerealizing these days. (sorry, couldn't resist that awful pun) I figured I'd make this cutesy little vignette available for their dietary systems to which the consumption of whole grains and oats is rumoured to be quite beneficial. Here it is, but I ain't a gonna say where I got it because I'm really in quite the plagiaristic mood.

Lucky Charms

Top of the morning! Is it morning already? I've been out all night searching the sky for shooting stars. Oh, sorry. This is Maggie and Claire. We met at the pub last night. Talk about a wish come true! The bean counter at the end of the bar who grew up eating rows of Os went home alone. Why? Never learned to spot a four-leaf clover, never learned to trust his luck, never gets lucky! If you want grandchildren, let your wee tyke get his hands on shamrocks and rainbows sooner than later. If I had my way, rabbits' feet would be in the mix, too, but General Mills says it would scare the kiddies. Maggie's got a job interview later, so we're heading to the track to see if any of the ponies threw a shoe she can take along. Spare a splash of Jameson?

Dick

That Dick is an evil, bloodthirsty man is hard to deny. I believe this incident stems from the fact that Dick never wanted to go and fight. He received what, like five deferments. But you can bet your dimpled Republican ass that Dick wants to shoot and kill people. As CEO of Dick & W Inc. NLC, he's got the blood of some 30,000 innocent people on his hands. But to be able to get up close, and see the blood, smell it. Dick suddenly experienced something that the ol' cowpoke hasn't had in 20 some years - an erection. The compulsion to whack off with the sweet red lubricant taken off of his bud's face must have been nearly impossible to deny. Too bad the press was watchin'. Sorry Dick.

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/11312757/

A Little List

I love McSweeney's. They are a clever bunch. Here's a list of their seasonal colours. Very neato.

Asian bird flu gray
Clandestine surveillance white
Liberator beige
End of Days red
Sudafed stockpile orange
A little more shock and awe purple
Secret CIA torture chamber green
Bacon

My SO has a bushy bush. She's like a gottdam Eyetalian chica. Though I don't know what the hell her ethnicity is. Texan? WASP? American? Christian? Pagan? Calvinist?

Tears are in your eyes, tonight...

Ignore It - Ann Coulter nee Cunter

After reading its latest, I decided that heretofore, I would follow these ten commandments regarding the woman and those of her ilk:

Ten Commandments

1. Do not discuss what it says.
2. Do not read what it writes.
3. Do not buy its books.
4. Do not go and see it speak
5. Do not watch it on Hannity & colmes or any of the other cable "debate" shows.
6. Follow the same policy that it itself does: do not believe what it says if one should be exposed to it.
7. Keep in mind that it exists only to inflame and make money.
8. Remember that those who listen to it are stupid and incapable of rationality and originality and it knows this.
9. Be kind.
10. Do not hate or fear what you do not know and it and it's ilk will lose influence and fade away.

Back in Bidness!!!

Finally got the "internets" at home. There is absolutely no time for f'in around on the internets at worky anymore, lamentably as it is, it is what it is.

Just saw an interesting piece on ABC 7 News about the, what this narrator thought, was the long gone fad of the resurgence of roller derby. Best quote: "Those of us here don't tend to be joiners." Uh, why don't ya just come on out and say it girl: We are fukkin' rebels!!! Got some news there for ya girly, the roller derby is a trend that swept the nation. Chrikey, they even had it down there in Dallas. And if'n ya ain't joiners, why aren't you out mopin' on the street corner smokin' cigarettes and beggin' for spare change. Try bein' the ultimate non-joiner and become homeless for a week, or shut your pretentious pie hole. You got it!? Huh?!
Speakin' of which, these indie folk who portend to be non-joiners, are just as much joiners as those god-awful cheez balls that joined a frat in college. It's just a different group that your a joinin', get it? I didn't think so. You see, if you are out wandering around on a day like today here in Chitown wearing only a hoodie and a pair chucks with no gloves or a hat, you are going to some pretty extreme and extremely stupid lengths to maintain the uniform of the Empty Bottle denizen, or what I like to call them, the indie rock nerd. It's freezin' out there, dipshit! Didn't your mama ever teach you to put on your hat? Is it that important to maintain a facade of nerdiness, coolness and downright indie rock rebellion? Nah, it ain't. But remember it's tough to tend not to join.

Hello

It has been a mild winter here in Chitown. The SO's mother is an accountant at the company that sells natural gas to the city of Chicago. They are rather perturbed at the lack of Exon-esque windfall profits that they had counted upon during what was to have been a very hard winter in the mid-West. Sorry. Get outta Dick's pocket and start looking for alternative technologies. There is talk of a windfall tax, to re-distribute that weatlh where it may be needed. Uh, I got news for yins, that ain't a gonna happen.

As W so eloquently put it during his speech Tues. night - we are addicted to oil. We are addicted to oil, quoth W in all his retarded, barely literate, faux Texan glory. I would suggest that you, as VP of Dick & W Inc., NLC stop feeding that addiction. Just a thought.